Prince-Anthy

o o" i'm sort of back. ...ish.

before i ever struck out to this godforsaken state, i knew it would be bad; but i didn't realize... ugh. i'm turning into a serious hermit. sunlight? what the hell is that? i'm even shrinking back from those i have loved; it isn't intentional, it's simply that i feel i'm not worth having time invested in me. we're states away, what have i got to offer you that someone closer cannot? i feel that all i'm doing is distracting people busy living from their lives. so much to articulate, so little will to do it... and, i STILL can't bear to lay graphite or ink on paper. i'm a jerk.

it's one of the most positive feelings that i allow myself to feel, and i've been feeling it a lot lately. worry, yes, that's been there, too, but that is a given in my life, i'm always worried, because there is always something to worry about. but the anticipation. it's not hope exactly, so much as it is expecting something to turn out as i have foreseen it. i feel as if i KNOW for a fact that these things will happen in this order {not some psychic stuff, these would be things i've steered into happening, events i've cultivated}, and suddenly, rather than thinking of these things as future events, they enter the realm of things that will h